Upgrade Time? Fun Ways to Destroy Your Old Phone
Time and time again your well-used cell phone pushes you to the brink of tearing your shirt off, turning green and swelling to a point you scream “Hulk smash!”
But you can’t. It owns you. It’s a vital connection to your everyday world. As much as you want to take your pent up rage out on it, you can’t…until, that is, you’re ready for an upgrade.
Then it’s game on.
Hold on, Darth Vader
It’s amazing how one’s mind can turn on a dime scheming ways to obliterate what has been known as the bane of your existence. Getting that new, upgraded phone is like getting keys to the life-sucking chain that had been noosed around you for two contracted years. It, in turn, suddenly allows you to unleash a dark side on your old phone. You want it to feel your wrath for all the pain and frustration it caused you over the few years it “owned” you.
Your first instinct is to hold that hand-held piece of you-know-what up as high as you can and just slam it down to the ground and yell “Take that, you (fill in the blank)!”
BUT WAIT! Cooler minds must prevail…momentarily, anyway.
For identity protection purposes, cleaning the memory of your old phone is always a good idea. Removing your memory card — the SD card — is first and foremost. Next is clearing any internal residue of personal information that might still be lingering in the depths of your hell…er…your old phone.
Just hitting the “factory reset” button isn’t enough, though. According to GSMnation.com, smartphones can still hold some of your personal information that could be used for identity theft even after a factory reset has been done.
The blog site suggests to actually do a factory data reset several times before releasing the hounds on it. Surprisingly, it may take more than 30 times to completely erase personal information. If only you could hear your cell phone scream in agony each time you did it would doing this 34 times actually be entertaining.
It deserves a good death
For all the frustration, anger and pain your old phone has caused you, you begin to scheme up its inevitable ending. It’s ticked you off too much to just sell it or hand it over to a friend to use. Oh no, this black square of technological torture is going down, and it’s going to be epic.
Here’s a few, creative ideas that may be a fitting demise for your old cell phone:
Tool time: One way to drag out an execution is to drill holes in it or take a hammer to it. This YouTube video (with some coarse language) proves that some old phones die hard.
“Call” to arms: Whether it’s a slingshot, pellet gun, paint gun or airsoft gun, your phone will finally help you improve something in your life — your aim.
You say potato, I say “fire!”: One great do-it-yourself project is making a potato gun and using your phone as ammo.
Supercharge it: Some phones know when to quit. Android Authority documents several reports of phones blowing up unexpectedly just while charging.
Olympics of Death: Put your phone to the test of your athletic skills (6), through batting and throwing practice and biking (using the phone as a speed bump).
Sleeps with the fish: Do it mafia style. Guard Dog Tech Repair suggests ridding your phone mafia style — using a five gallon bucket, cement and, of course, your phone, and drop it the big blue.
Get that chip off your shoulder: Though Plymouth White Marsh Patch reported this as a dispute between two men when one man threw the other man’s keys and cell phone into a wood chipper, you have to admit that you wish you were there to see that.
